Saturday, August 13, 2011

No bones about it...

My dog needs rehab.  I've been trying to deny it.  The shame....the constant questioning of myself... "where did I go wrong?"....the whispering and judgement behind our backs.  He was such a quiet, well mannered boy, too. 

Yes, Jack is on the crack.  It started innocently enough.  A rawhide here and there, to keep him busied when I don't have the time to cover him with smooches, or scratch his belly while we watched The Real Housewives together. Nothing fancy, just the plain ol' common ones with a knot at each end.  He'd prop it between his paws, grin happily and gnaw.  Things were good then...  Things were....simpler.

Then it happened.

I was in Sam's Club when I saw them.  Luring me into their evil clutches, I walked toward the shelf, without fear or trepidation.  When there, between the Morningsong Backyard Birdseed and the treats shaped like little t-bone steaks - was a plastic package filled with a new kind of bones for dogs.  A kind I hadn't seen before.  Had I known then, what I know now, I would have run, shrieking, from the aisle to warn everyone.  "NO!  DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THEM!" but it already had me in it's crosshairs...

I am here to warn you all now about the dangers of these satanic puppy treats.  All it took was one.  Just one

See how happy and unbalanced that dog looks on the package?  Eyes like little slits, dreamy smile, about to fall backwards?  That's because he's HIGH, people.  Cracked out of his GOURD!  If you listen quietly, you can almost hear Dave Matthews Band music seeping out of the heat sealed seams.  I dunno what's in these things (meth?) but now he's got a 3 bone a day habit, and if you even think about denying him one before he hops up in bed for the night, he'll cut you.  I'm telling you people, he will SELL your silverware and lie to his own grandmama for a sniff.  When he wants one, no... needs one, he'll pace the floor, panting and whining, until you cannot take it anymore and he breaks you.  Crumbling your resolve - enabling his habit for one more day.


So, immersed in his addiction, I pray for strength, and Jeff Van Vonderen  (" I just see a whole lot of people who love you like crazy").  Looking forward to the day when we all have our lives back.  Damn you, busy rollhide.  Have you no conscience?

All that aside, let's talk new soap.  I've had some LUSH dupes collecting dust on my shelves for a while now.  Some, I've soaped with disasterous results, so I put them away for a bit.  Last night, I decided to soap "Yummy Yummy Yummy", which I'm told has been axed from LUSH's current line.  So, this might be fun for you if you're missing this scent from them, and you can get it for a much cheaper price, as well.  I'm calling it "Yummy Scrummy" just because I think we all need to use the word "scrummy" more often. ;o)

Hopefully, tomorrow I'll get a chance to work on my new face masks and some seasonal soap.  Right after I check Jack into Promises...

Be well.


  1. O-M-G. That is all I can think of! LOL! You are too funny and it sounds like Jack has quite the addiction. :) Your new soap is pur-tee-ful!

  2. Jack is whack! Too funny! My dog just read your blog and wants those bones too!

    I just love your new soapies. So pretty!